Fiction Author Confesses: “I Lie Because You Want Me To.”
Getting to know you, getting to know all about you…. Sing it if you know it. Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me….
You know, a common question asked of fiction authors is, “Why do you write,” or something of that derivation. To you, my happy little moppets, I’m going to bestow some priceless advice. Pay attention now: don’t ever ask a question unless you’re sure you want the answer. This may seem obvious, but the extreme number of documented cases worldwide of, “Do I look fat in this?” and “So how many guys have you had sex with?” show us that some people refuse to get on board with the relationship between cause and effect. I’m not trying to insult anyone’s intelligence, but stupid arguments don’t lie. You have been warned.
Fiction authors, like many creative people, are scary, but the thing is we know how to hide it. We have to or we wouldn’t be allowed out in polite society, much like the sociopaths. Are you starting to get uncomfortable, because it’s only going to get worse? Okay, keep reading then. Sure, we’ll tell you we write because we have a burning need to help humanity or we love to communicate and that’s probably true, but they’re not the only reasons. Even respectable authors like a Margaret Atwood or a Joan Didion have a dirty little secret shimmering in the cores of their gray matter. That secret is a gluttonous need for omnipotent power and god-like control. We convince you to see what we want you to see and feel what we want you to feel. For whatever time you spend reading our work, we own you and that’s our goal. Go ahead and ask your favorite fiction author at his/her next book reading, but first be sure it’s something you really want to know.
A good fiction author is a master manipulator, a con artist, and getting paid to lie can be quite the rush. It’s an ego thing and it’s fun, what can I say? That may sound bad, but is it any worse than what an advertising or sales person does for a living? I mean fiction has its own section in bookstores; you know going in that you’re buying a lie. We don’t imply that reading our stories will help you bring back the luster to your junkyard Buick or that being seen reading them will make you appear suave and sophisticated- the most we’re willing to say is that you’ll be entertained, though sometimes even that’s a stretch. The point is that you, the consumer, are in on it. By buying our product you encourage us to perpetuate the con. Sure it’s a win/win here, but still something to consider.
I’m bringing this up in case any of you are harboring some hero worship towards your favorite authors. We’re all human: some of us are more twisted than others, but we’re still human. Don’t give us any more power than we deserve because we may use it.
Now with that in mind, please enjoy this short film.
